


You are her

by Airwolf



Category: HololiveEN
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29849904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airwolf/pseuds/Airwolf
Summary: Kiara has had enough of Calli's mood changes and demands to know why the Reaper just won't accept her love.To answer Calli tells her a tragic story of Life and Death that will change their relationship forever.Fair Warning: A lot, and I mean a lot of pain. It also get's pretty dark.
Relationships: Mori Calliope/Takanashi Kiara
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89





	You are her

„I just don’t get it!”  
Calli closed her eyes. She couldn’t remember how many times she has had this conversation with Kiara.  
“I really don’t know what else I can say. I explained it every way I can think of”  
“Yeah, yeah. You don’t love me, we are just friends and all the other crap you say all day.”  
“But it the truth. What else can I…”  
“God dammit Calli! Your Tsun-Reaper behavior stopped being funny about two centuries ago.”  
That actually surprised Calli. Kiara was always annoyed with her when the topic came up but this time she seemed to be actually full on pissed.  
“You say that, then you act all lovely dovely with me, then you push me away again. My feelings for you are not a joke!”  
“I never thought they were! I just can’t change my own”  
Kiara grunted, then took a deep breath.  
“Fine. Okay. If you don’t love me I have to accept that.”  
Calli felt the pressure inside her drop. Hopefully she would have some peace for some time now.  
The universe immediately punished her for that thought when she saw Kiara was heading for the door to leave her office.  
“Where are you going?”  
She saw Kiara looking to the ground. It took a couple of long seconds until the Phoenix answered.  
“I am going to Death-Sensei and… I am going to ask him to reassign my soul to a different Reaper.”  
Calli couldn’t die. But she had a human body at the moment. And she was pretty sure she was having a heart attack right about now.  
“Y-You what?”  
“You heard me.”  
“You can’t do that!”  
Kiara turned around, anger visible in her eyes.  
“I don’t want to! But I can’t keep going like this. You have to make up your fucking mind. Otherwise all I can do is try to get over you and I can’t do this when you are responsible for my soul”  
Calli sighed deeply. It has been some time ago that she realized she would have to have a really unpleasant conversation with Kiara and it looked like that time was now. And she hated it.  
Taking a deep breath she began to speak.  
“You realize how unfair this is right? You are very important to me. But I also mean you literally can’t. It is impossible to reassign your soul.” Calli paused and looked Kiara directly into her eyes. Then she continued: “I would know. I tried.”  
Calli could see the exact moment Kiara understood the meaning of her words and she imagined she could actually hear the Phoenix’s heart breaking.  
“Y-You tried to get rid of me?”  
“Yeah.”  
Of course Kiara started to cry. But Calli didn’t expect that she also started laughing a few moments later.  
“So I was really that wrong all these years? I really thought you were just bad at expressing your feelings but you actually dislike me that much? God how stupid can one be” 

“No. I tried to get to reassign your soul because I love you more than anything else in this world and seeing you broke my heart”  
Kiara head snapped up with the speed of light. Calli could see the gears turning tying to make sense of what she had just heard.  
“Y- You what?”  
Instead of answering Calli opened the first drawer of her desk. She took one of the two black boxes that were in it and threw it to Kiara.  
The Phoenix looked at it. Opening it revealed a golden ring decorated with red and orange gemstones. Kiara’s hand were shaking.  
“W-What is this?”  
“A wedding ring. Yours to be precise.”  
Kiara looked back at Calli to see she had opened the second box that contained an almost identical ring.  
“This one is mine.”  
…  
Kiara thought she might collapse. The whole room was shaking.  
She felt Calli reach out to her and guide her to the couch.  
Even though she never drank alcohol she took a long sip of Calli’s wine that was standing in front of her. After a minute or two she could finally think again.  
She looked at the Reaper that had sit down beside her.  
“What the fuck is going on Calli?”  
“It’s a long story. But I think I have no other choice then to tell you.”  
She took a sip of wine herself set the rings down on the table and started talking: 

“I don’t know how long ago all this happened. Millenia by now. I was still a very young Reaper. No idea what I was doing. Strictly adhering to all of the rules. So when one day I met a weird girl that tried to convince me she was a Phoenix and was not supposed to be laid to rest I was sure she was bullshitting me. But that annoying girl didn’t give up and dragged me all the way to Death-Sensei. He explained to me that she was indeed telling the truth and also because I guided her through her first death her soul would be assigned to me for all eternity.  
And of course that stupid shit bird immediately decided that that would mean we had to become the best of friends. I think you can imagine how happy that made me.”  
Kiara indeed could. But the rest of what Calli was telling her didn’t make any sense. That was not how their first meeting had gone. Even though it was not far off.  
Calli must have seen her confusion. 

“Just bear with me. So there I was stuck with this Kusotori. At first I tried to treat her like a job. Just like every other soul. I was a Reaper. Reapers don’t need friends. Don’t have emotions. But that Phoenix just couldn’t take no for an answer. She would always tell me about the different lives she lived. I learned a lot about her that way. I learned that she was kind even when the world wasn’t. That she always tried to help even if would get her killed.  
With time she chipped away at the walls I had build around myself and her immense warmth thawed my cold heart.  
When I realized it was way to late. I had to face the fact that I had feelings for that girl and that they were way more than just friendship.  
For a while I was scared, no terrified. Thinking that something must be wrong with me. A Reaper in love like come on that even sounds like a fucking joke.  
But when I was with her everything was okay. Everything seemed possible.  
I probably will never feel as nervous in all eternity then on the day I confessed my feelings to her. But seeing how her face lit up made it all worth it.  
There are no words to describe how happy we were. Life and Death. Together. “

Kiara still had no clue where Calli was going with this story. The thought of Calli confessing to her was incomprehensible. But she decided to just shut up and listen. She realized the sad look in Calli’s eyes before she continued. 

“At least that was how it was supposed to be. But it was foolish to think that this universe would be any kinder to us than to all those poor souls I meet every day. Life is not a fairy tale.  
I realized that quickly. I had a long day in the office and decided to visit my wife.  
I arrived and…”  
for the first time since the beginning Calli looked directly at Kiara tears in her eyes.  
“…you had no idea who I was.” 

Kiara inhaled sharply. There was no way. She would never forget all that. How could she forget that she had married Calli.  
“I am sorry. I know that must be a lot but it’s all true. We were married. But after one revival without any rhyme or reason you lost all your memories. You actually thought that was your first life back there.”  
Everything hurt. That was too much. Had she really lost all that? And how much that must have hurt Calli. Then one thought shook her mind and a terrible realization hit her.  
“I- I don’t remember meeting you that way either.”  
Calli nodded.  
“Yeah it did happen twice.”  
Twice. To be fair that was better than she had feared. It could also have been ten. But still the thought that she had lost two complete lives, each with countless lifetimes on earth.  
“What happened?”  
She saw a new emotion make its way to Calli’s eyes. Shame.  
“Maybe we should stop for now, let you rest.”  
“I have to know Calli.”  
Calli took a deep breath.  
“I… I didn’t took it too well. In my mind my wife had died and that new you was some kind of fake that had the audacity to look like her. I took the ring from you and kept our meetings as short as possible.”  
To say Kiara wasn’t shocked would be a lie but she could understand were Calli was coming from. Kiara was her only friend losing her like that and then having to deal with it alone would break anyone. Seeing how hard it was for Calli to keep going she tried to comfort her by taking her hand. But considering the topic that move probably wasn’t he smartest one.  
Calli immediately freed her hand and started sobbing uncontrollably.  
“Once I went to your appointed place of death. I made sure to arrive a little bit early so I could stop whatever killed you and… do it myself.”  
Kiara had no idea what she should say to that. Truthfully she was pretty sure that there were no words that could be said because no one ever has to talk about a situation like this one.  
She and Calli were literally the only beings in existence that could have this conversation.  
She didn’t want to believe that Calli would go that far. That she could lose herself completely but she also didn’t doubt that her words were true.  
The two off them sat in silence for a few minutes before Calli managed to continue. 

“At some point my mind was clear enough to realize what I was doing and instead of hating you I started to hate myself for what I had become. That’s when I first started drinking. It wasn’t nearly enough to numb all the self-loathing. That was also the first time I thought of Death as an ability… that I didn’t have.”  
Kiara was afraid she was making it worse but she couldn’t stop herself from hugging the Reaper as hard as she was able to.  
She was glad when Cali didn’t push her away.  
“I- I am so sorry you had to go through that.”  
Once again the office went quiet for a few minutes.  
Calli managed to calmed down enough that Kiara let go off her and sit back down beside her but not without taking her hand.  
She chose her next words very carefully.  
“I really truly am sorry. I had no idea. I always knew my mind is a bit foggy in the first couple of days after I revive but to think that I could forget everything just like that.”  
“Yeah I can’t imagine how terrifying that must be.”  
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but…” Kiara stopped herself from finish the question but Calli already knew.  
“You want to know how we got from there to here?”  
Kiara nodded.  
“I was lost. Before I met you I basically had no emotions. I cared about nothing besides my work. Then you came and I started to feel. Friendship, Love, Happiness. It all confused me but I had you to help me through it. When I lost that you I was alone again. With no one to help me. I had no idea how to process the situation.”  
A sad smile formed on Calli’s lips.  
“You tried you know. Even after I treated you like shit. Even after I killed you. You saw right through me and knew that I was in pain. You tried to help but I was blinded by my rage so I never let you in. And later it made the guilt I felt even worse. How could you still be so kind and warm after everything I had done.  
It probably would have continued like that if I hadn’t met her.”  
Kiara raised an eyebrow: “Her?”  
Calli nodded.  
“I was walking around on Earth looking for some way to vent my frustration when she suddenly stood in front of me. She didn’t say it directly but I am pretty sure she knew what I was. And what I was feeling. Though to be fair a lot of what she said didn’t make any sense so maybe she was just crazy.”  
“Who was she?”  
“I don’t know, she never told me her name. Just said she was repaying a favor. No idea to who. I tried looking for her but never managed to find her. She promised me we would meet again but she has to be long dead by now.”  
Kiara looked at her the Reaper tilting her head.  
“I know, I know it sounds crazy. As I said I can’t explain it myself”  
“How did she help you”  
A genuine smile appeared on Calli’s lips.  
“Kicked my sorry ass”  
“What?”  
“She started with asking me why I looked like shit. I am not sure why but I answered honestly saying that I had lost someone very important to me.  
To which she just said ‘Oh boohoo so just like everyone else on this planet sooner or later’. You can probably imagine that in the condition I was in that was the wrong thing to say.  
I took it as an opportunity to let of some steam and attacked her. But I got my ass kicked.  
Don’t look at me like that I know. She was definitely human but it was somehow like she had fought with me countless times, like she knew my every move. I didn’t land a single hit and she didn’t hold back. I mean yeah I am a Reaper but as long as I have this human body my power is pretty limited. So in the end I was lying on the ground my whole body aching.  
I thought she would just leave at that point but she sat down beside me and started to talk.  
I don’t know how long she talked but it felt like hours. She spoke about love and loss. That she knows how it feels when everything is just too much. When there is nothing you can do.  
She told me that the pain would never completely go away. That I wouldn’t wake up one day and everything would be alright again. That it was okay to fall.  
That the only thing that matters is if you get back up again. And if you can’t do it for yourself then to at least be a person _they_ would be proud of.”

“I listened to her lying on my back with my eyes closed and when I finally opened them a while after she had stopped she was already gone.  
To be honest at first I thought what she told me was bull shit. But somehow I couldn't forget her words and then one day I decided I wanted to be someone again _she_ (Calli pointed at the wedding ring on the table in front of them) could be proud of. By coincidence or just the universe trying to be funny you lost your memories again shortly after and that was when we first met.” 

Kiara was still holding hoding Calli’s hand and gave it a soft squeeze.  
“If it means something to you I am proud of you. And I am sure my past self would be too. Even after going through all that you are kind and loving.  
I won’t lie that was a lot to take in and I will probably need some time to process that myself. The thought that my memories were reset twice and that it could happen again is really scary.”  
Kiara looked to the ground and let go of Calli’s hand.  
“And I get it now. I get why you can’t love me. With the history we had. I am sorry for being so pushy all the time. I feel pretty stupid now. I hope we can stay friends.”

Calli didn’t answer right away which made Kiara quite nervous but then the Reaper took her hand again.  
“The story is not finished yet.”  
“Ehh? But…”  
“Just listen. Digging myself out of that hole was not easy and It took time. One of the goals I set myself was to not only be someone _my_ Kiara would be proud of but also someone the current one would call her friend. But I was very determined to not let it go any further.  
I feared it wouldn’t be fair to _her_ or you and I certainly didn’t want to lose someone so close to me again. But you being the annoying bird that you are had to fall for me again which made that very hard. If you knew how many times I wanted to just shut up and kiss you. But I couldn’t. And it got harder and harder because the more time we spent together the more I realized how similar you are to _her_.  
Until it hit me. I realized what a complete and utter moron I had been. A special brand of not so bright. It is really good I am undying because I sure take a while to figure stuff out.”  
For the first time since coming to the underworld today Kiara saw genuine happiness in Calli’s eyes.  
“The fact that _my_ Kiara, _my_ wife died that day was something I decided. I looked at it that way. That doesn’t make it true. I told you even in your ‘second’ life you were kind to me although I treated you like shit for the most time. And now in this one I see everything I loved about _her_ in you. Your kindness and endless warmth. Your selflessness and motivation. Not because you are similar to _her_ but because _you_ are _her_. You are Takanashi Kiara the Phoenix and something minor like a memory loss can’t change that.”  
Calli let go of Kiara’s hand and took the black box from the table.  
“So you are wrong. I do love you. And I am sorry I took this away from you. If you still want it, it is yours.”  
Kiara looked at the ring in front of her every cell in her body ready to explode and desperately trying to remember how that thing called speaking worked.  
Calli misinterpreted her silence however and got slightly nervous.  
“I-I mean I know this is a lot to take in and it is okay if you need time to think about it and really I…”  
Kiara smiled. She loved Calli and Calli loved her. Nothing else mattered.  
“You talked a lot today. How about you shut up and kiss me?”  
Calli grunted but did exactly that. 

Epilogue: 

Calli and Kiara were admiring the beautiful sunset before them, sitting under the tree that had become their favorite space to relax together.  
“Thank you for today Calli it was wonderful.”  
“No problem ma dude.”  
“Why can’t you call me.. I don’t know anything else?”  
Calli didn’t gave her an answer and just laughed.  
Kiara reached into the bag she had brought their picknick supplies in and took out a big notebook. On it’s cover it said “Takanashi Kiara Ch 7”. Under the title was a small notch in which Kiara placed the ring from her finger.  
“Here you go. To be honest I hope I won’t need it. I wrote quite a lot this time it will probably take a while to read through.”  
“Nah, even though it gets more and more you still read it all in no time.”  
“Well duh. Imagine what you would do if you finally muster up the courage to confess your feelings to your favorite reaper and she tells you that you are already married!”  
Both laughed and went silent shortly after just enjoying each others company. 

Calli was the first one to silently speak again.  
“Ame is still looking for a way to stop it you know.”  
“Yeah. Did she have any new ideas?”  
“Not yet but she told me the Ancient Once finally agreed to help her.”  
Kiara giggled.  
“I wonder who we have to thank for that. Who would have thought that even Ancient Gods want to be stepped on by a cute Tako.”  
“Why do you always make it weird”  
“Because you love that about me!”  
“I most certainly do not!”  
“Aww Calliiii”  
They kept fooling around until the sun was almost completely gone.  
“I am getting tired Calli. It’s time to go up in flames.”  
“Alright I will go and wait for you on the other side.”  
Calli got up and started to prepare the portal to the Underworld.  
Kiara jumped into her arms and pressed a soft kiss on her lips.  
“Whatever happens, we will be okay, right?”  
Calli nodded a assuring smile on her face.  
“Yeah we will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Isn't it funny how you can be stuck writing something for days and then get a completly different idea that you finish in one go?  
> Sadly the result was yet again more pain but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!


End file.
